yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
