I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
