Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
