If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Text me some of your sweat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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