he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
