he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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