Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
