im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
