I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
