i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
