Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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