i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
