I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
