Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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