i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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