sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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