you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We have started to decorate penises.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
