a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize