Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
