Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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