How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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