: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
