You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
