Pappa wants mamma naked
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
