So drunk its hurt
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
