who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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