So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
