does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
