i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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