i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
