You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can I color on your dick again?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
