I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
