I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
