the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
