half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
