seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
