Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
