i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
