If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
