I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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