I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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