Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
