I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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