Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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