do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
