so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
