Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
