Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
