They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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