Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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