happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
