dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
