you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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