but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
