there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
